how do u handle stress?

how do u handle stress? stress-causing activities. stress-causing people. does it pay not to care? will it make u stress-free? when i'm a bit stress, i become grumpy, really grumpy. i get stressed when i feel that it is not fair, circumstances are not fair. like when u realized that u are just a common person. u have no power over a lot of situation. u dont get to say what is on ur mind. u could not speak out. u r suppressed. u dont have a choice. because u are merely an employee. if not for the inside connection then it might be that u wont have a job right now. why did i quit my first job in the first place? well, because i did not like it and i was starting to complain. everything i ever see are negative. i'm hating what i was doing. i just wanted an escape. to stop what is going on. my god. overworked and underpayed becomes an understatement. try slavery. harder because u have to put on a smile in dealing with all those people. even when all u ever wanted was run away. never coming back. it could have been better. the experience would have been helpful that damaging. well, it was helpful. doing basic things is not really multi-tasking. it's like cooking a meal while ironing the clothes. it's like that.

February 17, 2009

wtf.

last night was hell night. i got into this fight. bruised. pained. i admit defeat and retreat to my foxhole. i know i did wrong. it was my fault to pry into someone else's life. oh my god, how do i deal with this trust issues now? basically my hunches and doubts put me into trouble. im trying so hard not to get myself hurt, but in the end, i was the one who placed myself on the fire to be burned. the one who pulled the trigger, with the gun pointed to my head.

i was right, if u love someone, u should just say it. show it. not, when you're breaking up, then u start revealing ur plans, telling that someone his/her value. that would only hurt that other person more. regrets would make the living harder. aching would then become too real. i was afraid to break, but now am broken. to the tiniest bit, to my last piece. i am broken. no regrets. hurt and angry. why does people have to concern to this? why does things has to be shared? even relationship? why are there too friendly people? i hate what happend last night. it was hell. agonizing. should have been slapped that battered with words that would cut through my soul. maybe for as long as my heart beats. it would beat with each word uttered. each word which should have not been representative of the truth, but they were ever so real. and happening. oh my god. change my heart. empty my mind from the memories of pain. i want to forget. i dont care about forgiving.